Tuesday, June 16, 2009

WE ESCAPED JAIL! Indology Experts Celebrate Victory in California Donkey Trial

Congratulations poured in from Indology Experts all over the world, 115 of them, to be precise, to IER's Heroic Duo following their announcement of victory in the California Donkey Trial.

After their sworn Depositions left them in a "debriefed" state facing charges of being paid agents of shady outfits like the Dalitstan Church and FOSA who were conspiring to deny the civil rights of American schoolchildren, the great Indology Experts heaved a sigh of relief when the Federal Judge agreed to the request from the CAPEEM to drop prosecution of charges against them, since the State settled the case. Below we interview IRFFAN, the reclusive but doggedly loyal Fan of the IndoEuracist "Researchers".

We: "Irffan, you must have heaved a sigh of relief when this news came out"

I: "Of course not. We had a plane waiting fueled and ready to fly to Buenos Aires if the Judge had put out a warrant against us. There are many Aryans in Aryantina, I mean Argentina, no?

We: But.. were you anxious that the case was heading to trial?

Irffan: "Gott im Himmel! You dumbkopf! Of course it was not going to trial. We had instructed the attorneys to plead urgent ambulance-chasing duties, to delay the trial, for the past 3 years. With the entire Board of AIG needing their services, it was easy for the attorneys to plead inability to return to the country, since many had taken up permanent residence in the Cayman Islands after representing the Bond Rating Agencies.

We: What were some of the issues in the case, Irffan?

I: What do you mean, "WERE"? There ARE many issues. One is that the California State Board is refusing to pay my Consluting Fee, saying that my advice cost them over $20 Million and when they charge that against my account, they are billing me for $19,999,999.98. This is very unfair. I think my advice is worth at least 3 cents!

We: "But what is their basis for claiming $20M costs? I heard they gave the CAPEEM only $175,000?

I: They are practising extortion. They claim that they had to pay the Hindootva HAF $15,000,000 because the HAF had hired these expensive attorneys who charged them that much. But WHY pay $175,000 to the CAPEEM? They are just a bunch of brown Dravidians, not even Aryans! Their lawyer did not cost nearly so much, and all their costs were covered by evil Hindoos!

We: Perhaps the California State Attorneys' fees came to over $16M?

I: Their fees came to over $16M, because they are so slow. It took them over 5 hours just to read the Letter Signed By the 117 Indology Experts, and they charged $300 per hour, and then they passed the letter around between the 6 of them, so that each charged $1500.

We: But that was just $9000, Irrfan..

IRFFAN: That was just one small example. My Deposition alone came to 1,700,000 pages, including all the 15,000 posts at the IER. These lawyers claimed that after reading each page, they had to take a 15-minute break to put BEN-GAY on their ribs. I don't know why. The trouble is that they spent so much time rolling on the floor and laughing instead of reading seriously.

We: Did you explore other options, Iffran?

I: Of course. We checked with Colombia, Iran, Venezuela, Cuba and Democratic People's Republic of Korea, none of which have an extradition treaty with the US, but they all threatened to shoot down our plane if we tried to land there. Ahmedinejad in Iran looked promising, since they are putting up "ARYAN" posters there, but it was doubtful whether the voting machines that he had ordered from Florida would be released in time for export. So Aryantina was the best option.

We: "Dr. Stephen Farmer claimed many times on IER over the past 3 years that the CAPEEM case would be dismissed immediately. What happened, Irffan?

I: Herr Doktor Farmer was very prescient. He knew that once CAPEEM was completely satisfied, they would ask the Court to dismiss the case. He thought they would do that in a few days, but it has taken over 3 years.

We: What are your plans for the future, Irffan?
I: Herr Doktor Professor Witzel of Harvard University has invited me to hear his passionate defense of his Consluting Business before the (Aquatic) Board of Harvard, and I have to go there. Beyond that, maybe I will buy that ticket to Aryantina after all...