Sunday, February 05, 2006

Prof. Witzel Wins Dharma Debate!

Congratulations to Professor Witzel! At a debate conducted by the "dharma" student organization at Harvard University on February 3, Professor Witzel brilliantly fought back against a determined effort to unsettle him by throwing deep Sanskrit sentences at him. IRFAN has some difficulty in getting the audio tapes of this meeting and transcribing what was on it (there seemed to be a strange sound like that of 75 people giggling at once..) but we managed nevertheless, and bring you the precise, unedited version, EXCLUSIVE TO IRFAN.

First, in Professor Witzel's own words at IER:
"Ze Hindootvadis are trying to test me! Ihren sprechen im das Sanskrit und Ich repliert im das Sanskrit. Dumbkopfen Braminen vere showing off zeir zuperiority! To ME! An ARYAN!

Way to go, Prof. Witzel! Showed them, didn't we?

IRFAN has obtained an exact transcription from video of the event.

At 7:03:03:02 - Professor Witzel is speaking. Sounds like: "Zees natives are all ze accountanten und engineeren. Ze are not like me! Ich hab spent funf jahren im das Nepal und ich bin sie greatest expert in ze entire WELT! Ich bin ein Linguist!"

7:03:45:04 - minor disturbance in audience. A mother seen grabbing for , but missing, her brat, age circa 5, wearing uniform of Hahvahd Wunderkindergarten and DayCare Center. Brat jumps up, and yells:


7:03:46:15: Professor Witzel: Pauses, looks straight at brat. Smiles. One can almost see the brilliant Linguistic Brain spinning at Hyperdrive, interpreting, sorting, placing, dissecting, analyzing, and coming up with the super deduction.

7:03:46:20: Pindrop silence broken by a few inexplicable giggles around the room.

7:03:47:30: "Aham Arya KULA Chakravathin Asmi!"

7:03:47:36: Pindrop silence erupts in wild cheers! People laugh out loud from joy! papers and books tossed into the air!

7:04:02:20: Audience settles down a bit. Professor Dino Eek rushes out with a "Peetambaram" (yellow turkey towel with a giant "HOLIDAY INN" printed on it) and wraps it around Prof. Witzel's waist as a mark of honor and respect for so brilliantly winning that debate with the kindergartner. Embarassed mother lifts brat by the waistband and carts him out of the hall!

That was not all...

7:43:21:20 Professor Witzel was just finishing recounting his experiences in Nepal, and saying: "I veesh I could hab stayed in ze Katmandu for ze long zeit!"

Interruption: A hand sticks up. Professor Witzel points to the questioner.

Questioner (a 4th-grader from Cambridge Elementary):

"Hey, mister! My older brother told me to tell you:

'Jo Kaatmandoo mein gandoo
woh Leiden aur Boston mein bhi gandoo"

Pindrop silence. A few sharp intakes of breath.

7:43:30 Professor Witzel has finished parsing, dissecting, deconstructing and linguisticizing that, and understood the very origins of that Sanskrit "sloka" perfectly. It is from the Rig Veda. Composed on the shores of the Black Sea, which is not far from the Black Forest, in 1221 BCE. Calls for an appropriate response:

Professor Witzel: "Bhavitavyam bhaved eva. Aham WitzelaH Asmi".

Audience erupts again. Wild applause at this beautifully simple, lucid answer. Thoroughly defeated in debate, the stunned kindergartner is dragged out of the hall by the ear, by his irate Big Sister.

Way to go, Professor Witzel! Try to stump you with dem long, complicated Sanskrit quotations, will they? Heh-heh!

IRFAN adds:

Please don't believe reports by the Hindutva that Herr Doktor Witzel, Wails Professor of Sanskrit at Harvard University, was crushed in a debate on his area of competence by a *****drumbeat**** 23-YEAR-OLD BUSINESS STUDENT ********** AN "ACCOUNTANT"!!!!***


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilrious. Harvard should be charging for such events rather than serving free saffron mango lassi and samosas. With a prize clown on payroll, Harvard's sitting on a gold mine. I can now understand as to why Harvard didn't fire him over those racists remarks.

February 05, 2006 1:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In other news, spiritual leaders of Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhi are getting insulted at the special favours shown to Hindus. They are all demanding to be shown the light by Herr Witzel and (Frau Doniger too). Only through the deep and insightful explanations of Witzel and his deputies can other Indian-origin religions hope to understand their scriptures.

February 05, 2006 2:18 PM  
Anonymous Rajan P. Parrikar said...

Witzel wins! Wow! Farmer must be shitting bricks of joy!

February 05, 2006 4:49 PM  
Anonymous Vasuvaj said...

Enjoyed reading this article.

Aparah kashcit prashnah:

Are IRFAN and Arun Bernard Vajpayee the same person?

February 05, 2006 8:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arun Vajpayee is the Brave California Graduate Student whom Professor Witzel and Professor Farmer, and India's Most Famous Histerian, Dr. Romilla Thapar, all know very well. This was made very clear in Professor Farmer's initial post circa Nov. 7, where he introduced Arun Vajpayee. Surely you jest, when you suggest that someone so well-known to Professor Farmer can be this poor sod IRFFAN, who can only admire Professors Witzel and Farmer from afar!

February 07, 2006 10:01 AM  
Anonymous Ajay S. said...

Could you post details (or URL) of the debate between the business student and Witzel?

February 07, 2006 12:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aha! A Hindutvadi! Want to discuss ONLY the 59 minutes of debate between poor Professor Witzel, who was being continuously booed by the Hindutva audience, and the trained "student" who was NOT a linguist or a Leading Historian, who had memorized everything and recited by rote? We have no time to post such things, as Professor Farmer said. Has it been posted on "Indo-Eurasian Research Forum" yet?

I will just say that Professor Witzel was so badly treated by the Hindutvadis of "Dharma" that he had trouble remembering if Krishna was Rama's sister or step-sister, in the Rig Veda. According to Prof. Witzel, "The Scholarly evidence ist gibt by das sloka:

"Seeth ko Rama Kaun Thi?


Would it be OK if we instead posted the debate between Walter Mondale, Dumbass Sanskrit Professor at Harvard, and Ronald Reagan, Business student from California?


February 07, 2006 1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha, what a joke by Witzel

February 07, 2006 5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

smh...more people hating on a bruder...sad

March 24, 2009 1:27 PM  

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