Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Leading Indologist Wins Admission to Sanskrit Kindergarten


In a major victory for the Indo - Euracist Research group, Herr GruppenFuhrer has been admitted to the Sisu Vihar Daycare Center in Chennai, India, properly known to all leading Indologists as "Madras Sanskrit College" in Pico's 900 Theses.

But we will let the ever-fawning Irffawn have the pleasure of gloating about this great success.

We: Irffan, you sounded so breathless on the phone. Please tell us what is so exciting.

Irffan: Herr Doktor Indologielehrer Professeur M. Witlez, after his great victory in the Harvard Donkey Trial (see previous post), has gone on a Victory Tour to India. What can be more exciting? Georgia Bush visiting Iraq? Jimmy Carter in Iran?

We: You mentioned something about an "Ashwamedha Yaga", (Ed. note: Since we are dealing with IER experts - see what happened when Irffan sent out a Survey on Indian History to them - we thought some basic explanation would be in order ). We learned from our inferior Indian teachers that this was a triumphal expedition where a great Emperor sends an Imperial horse (Ashwa) to run free through the neighboring lands, challenging anyone there to catch and tie up the horse, on pain of triggering war with the Imperial Army. Is Herr Witllez' tour an Ashwamedha Yaga, Irffan?


Irffan: Dumbkopf! I said "ASS-warm-day Yaga"! This is when a Harvard Professor goes on a Lecture Tour of another country, challenging the ignorant natives there to ask him questions. You should KNOW by now, that there were NO horses in ancient India, until the Aryans brought them from Central Asia in 600AD. How can you Hindus still be so stupid and empty?

We: Sorry, Irffan, we are HIINAs. Proud but Empty, in the hallowed words of Herr Professor DoktorIndologie Michael Witzel in his famous posts on the IER, now revealed in his latest Best-Seller: "MY SECRET DEPOSITION BEFORE THE FEDERAL COURT OF CALIFORNIA" (Indo-Euracist Books, 2009, $2.00).
But a small question, Irffan, if we may: In the Ashwamedha Yaga, the horse (ass, I mean!) is accompanied by a small army to see that the horse comes to no harm. Did Professor Witlez have a goon squad to protect him from the questions thrown at him by hostile natives?

Irffan: And don't you forget that you are HIINAs! Of course Herr Witlez had protection! Do you think ze Harvard Professor would get on a stage without such protection? At each of his speeches, there is a large Police contingent surrounding the lecture hall to stop Hindootvadins at the gate. Inside, he has a protective circle to make sure that no questions are asked during or after his speeches. If he feels heat on his ..well.. (horse), he immediately leaves the place saying: "That eez eet for ze day! I have ze plane to catch! Auf Wiedersehen - and that I hope is NEVER!" That's why it's called an AssWarmDay Yoga.

We: But.. how did this fail at the Harvard "Dharma" debate, Irffan? (see "Witzel wins Dharma Debate")

Irffan: Hanswurst! Esel! How dare you remind me of that horrible experience! We thought that this was INSIDE Harvard, all the students are supposed to be there to get easy A grades without learning anything or asking questions. But some Hindootvadin kindergartners crept into the student organization and it was a nightmare. It was almost as bad as the Deposition before those loonies from California. The arrogance of that lawyer!

We: Thank you, Irffan. Would you care to expand on Herr Witzel's latest book, "MY SECRET DEPOSITION..."?

Irffan: Achtung! I have an important call from ze Dalit Christian Church for the Conversion of Heathen Sheep ... er... I mean Buddhist Pagoda of course! Zis Interview ist finis. More next week, maybe.... "Halloooo! Zis is Irffan, your loyal Conslutant. How may I be of service? Can you advance my fee please?.. "

We: Irffan: From the photo it looks like it was raining heavily in Chennai ? Is that the Protective Retinue of Indologists and Sanskrit College Deans following the Professor in the AWMD Yoga?

Irffan: WHAT! Are YOU still here, listening in on my phone call? GET OUT!!!!!

We: Auf Wiedersehen, Irffan!

42 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very educational indeed. The Indology Horse (I mean Ass) from Harvard seems to be bravely negotiating the floods in Madrass with the loyal Native in tow.
Are you now located in Madrass now, Irffan? What happened to your visa to Aryantina?

July 09, 2009 8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder if the term "Horse" is actually a bastardisation of "Harvard Arse"? Any comments, O Learned Horse's Ass Historian, Irffan?

July 09, 2009 8:31 AM  
Anonymous Soncho Panzer said...

Excellent question, my dear Anonymous. That will surely make an intriguing research topic for Romila and Shengde as they polish Harvard Arses in their spare time (weekend fun onlee, tut tut).

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